Gazing into the gaping maw of fear
by JohnnyStyle
Summary: Jane Daria Shepard survived the tragedy at Akuze. Does the galaxy's greatest soldier still harbor deep seated fears from that event? If she does can she overcome them? Rated M for Violence, Adult themes, Coarse language, a get a hold of yourself slap.
1. Akuze

Gazing Fearfully into the Maw of Death.

**Akuze**

"Oh Crap," Jane Daria Shepard said as he dived behind a boulder. "Oh hell."

She popped her head around once she caught her breath. Her pistol sat in the mud fifty metres away. Her assault rifle was probably a broken mess were her unit had made planet fall. There was no way her standard issue shotgun would hit at this range. Thankfully she had more training with her sniper rifle. It was just a pity the Alliance would never pay for the upgrades she would like. She stood up, fired two shots and the rifle overheated. She had drawn the creature's attention. She wanted to swear, to yell, instead her extensive training kicked in. She ran for the next bit of cover as the boulder dissolved. Panting she wondered if she was the only one left. If she was retreat was the only option. How many hours had it been since she landed? Three, four, maybe it was seven. She peered over the escarpment she was cowering behind. Maybe it had a weak point. If it had eyes maybe her bullet could penetrate and destroy something vital. Well she could see something that could be a visual sensory organ. She rose up and shot once. She went to fire a second time. Nothing. Shepard couldn't believe it she was out of ammo. Maybe it had been more than seven hours. Clutching her rifle to her chest she ran as fast as she could away from the massive creature. Tears began to stream from her eyes. There was a loud booming sound behind her, she wanted to turn but her legs wouldn't respond. She stumbled fell, rolled along the ground and finally stared into the sky of, what was the planets name again? Akuze? She tried to stay awake but it was so hard. Slowly Jane Daria Shepard slipped into unconsciousness.

"Doctor over here!" yelled one of the marines on the search party.

Doctor Chakwas rushed over hoping against all reason it wasn't just another body. The marine was crouched over a young woman.

"She's breathing doctor," the marine said as he made space for her.

"Can you hear me?" She asked her patient.

The injured soldier groaned and her eyes fluttered.

"Name and rank," Doctor Chakwas commanded.

"Shepard," the young woman murmured. "Jane Daria. I should say admiral right now but I'm not in the mood."

Doctor Chakwas chuckled.

"Gallows humour usually indicates a survivor," the doctor remarked. "Now just hold still while I amputate."

"Not funny doc," Shepard said as she sat up. "How are the other survivors?"

Doctor Chakwas looked at the ground and the young marine looked away. Swallowing the marine looked back at Shepard.

"You're the only one," he said eyes downcast.

"You're lying," Shepard spat. "There's got to be more than just me…there has to…oh god."

Shepard threw up on the ground. Once the sound of retching dissipated it was replaced by Jane Daria's sobs.

"It's not right," she wailed. "I was just talking to Coombs in the mess this morning, they can't just be gone."

Chakwas embraced the young woman in what she hoped was a comforting hug as a shuttle came down to retrieve them.

It had been several months since the creature had wiped out all those people. Thresher Maws they were called, terrible beasts that were found across the galaxy. It had taken months of counselling and therapy but Jane Daria Shepard finally felt ready to return to Akuze.

"Are you sure about this?"

"I have to do this Mom," Jane Daria told her mother as they approached the memorial that was situated well away from the thresher maw nest.

"I'll keep my current post as long as you need me dear," the elder Shepard said referring to the dead end position she took in order to care for her daughter.

"I'm getting better Mom," Jane Daria said. "Besides you belong on the bridge of a ship, not wasting away in Arcturus' records department."

"I'm your mother first."

Jane Daria nodded as she approached the stone monument. Tears fell from her eyes as her fingers traced the names of friends, acquaintances and colleagues who had fallen on that day.

"Never again," Jane Daria Shepard swore to herself.


	2. Edolus

**Edolus**

"Do you think its the Admiral's men commander?" Ashley Williams asked as the mako made its controlled drop to the surface.

"Could be chief," Shepard replied as they touched down.

"I have a more detailed scan for you Shepard," Liara said from her seat by the spectre. "The signal is being transmitted from that direction."

"Thanks Liara," Shepard said as she turned the vehicle in the direction the archaeologist was pointing. The drive was quite peaceful until Williams saw something through the scope of the mako's turret.

"It's alliance commander," the gunnery chief said. "But the signal isn't coming from it."

"Strange," Shepard pondered. 'Still better check it out."

As they drew closer a sense of unease settled upon the occupants of the mako. Then they saw the bodies.

"Commander something is coming up from underground," Liara yelled.

"Thresher maw!" Wiliams screamed.

"No…" Shepard gasped.

The gigantic creature burst forth from the ground. Writhing and spitting.

"No not again," Shepard said staring straight ahead, her hands white and tightly gripped around the controls. "No, no, no."

"Williams something's wrong with Jane Daria," Liara said concern evident in her features.

"Oh hell," Williams said. "This is like Akuze."

"Huh?"

"Never mind," Ash said. "I've switched driving control to you just hit the accelerator."

Liara did as ordered and Williams bought the gun around to aim at the deadly creature. With a resound boom she fired a shell. Shepard was almost catatonic just saying no over and over again. Williams had followed the shell with a burst of machine gun fire. She saw that she had hurt the creature. She fired another shell and then realised the creature had stopped attacking. They must have left its territory.

"Okay Liara we can stop now," Williams said.

"Shepard…" Liara turned with a look of worry.

'Pull it together commander," Williams demanded.

"I…I...can't."

Suddenly Liara slapped the human spectre across the cheek. It was quite humorous considering they all still had their helmets on due to Alliance operating procedures. Ash snorted but it seemed to snap Shepard from her fragile state.

"You're trained for these situations aren't you?" the asari asked.

"Yes she is," Williams growled. "And I remind you that you have a tank now."

Liara could see the smile evident in Shepard's eyes.

"Bring the gun around chief," Shepard said as she retook the controls. They sped towards the thresher maw nest. When they were almost in range Shepard turned the controls. They circled the beast in a long arc.

"Still not close enough commander," Williams said from gun control.

Shepard turned the controls further and the mako spiralled inwards ever closer to the immense creature. Williams peppered the beast's hide with machine gun fire while she waited for a good opening for a shell. The thresher maw's jaws gaped wide as it prepared to attack. Williams saw her chance. The mako shook as the shell speed away. It struck the creature in its vulnerable mouthparts. The beast listed and fell to the ground. Shepard drove straight over it. She then backed up and drove the rover tank over the creature again. She was about to do it again when Liara put her hands on hers. Jane Daria calmed and began preparation for EVA. A short time later they had confirmed the thresher maw had killed the admiral's men.

"Thing is commander the signal wasn't theirs," Williams explained.

"Akuze," Shepard said. "We were responded to a signal then to it was suppose to be from the colonists but every communication technician that looked at it said it felt odd."

"We should report this back to Admiral Kahoku," Liara suggested.

"Yeah you're right," Shepard agreed unable to hide her nervous shaking or the worried glances she was giving the remains of the thresher maw.

Several weeks passed during which a greater conspiracy was uncovered. Shepard was shocked to discover Coombs had survived, but the fact he could bring the Cerberus, the groups responsible for Akuze and the death of Admiral Kahoku, to justice was comforting. She had just sent off her report to the relevant authorities when hunger struck. Sigh she got up and head for the mess. She just grabbed an energy bar because she had some personnel reports to get back to. Shepard noticed Liara was sitting at the table, so the spectre decided boring paper work could wait another five minutes.

"Oh commander," Liara said. "I was just wondering if Coombs would be able to find some closure."

"I hope so," Jane Daria replied. "I know I have."

"I'm sorry I've talked about something that might make you uncomfortable," Liara apologised.

"It's okay," the human reassured. "I've come to terms with what happened, I just didn't expect my fear to overcome me like that."

"It is not everyday one comes across one of those creatures," Liara said in a comforting tone. "You could not have known how you would handle reliving your experience on Akuze."

"Thanks for slapping me."

"I was happy to help."

"Oh before I go finish my paperwork," Shepard said. "Presseley has picked up a derelict ship on our course, its salarian and very old. I know it's not your area of expertise but can you catalogue any artefacts we recover?"

"Of Course Shepard."


	3. Tuchanka

**Tuchanka**

"The krogan endure!"

As the voice faded from the ruins Jane Daria wondered what creature could possibly represent the genophage. There was an all to familiar roar and a massive head rose from the nearby debris. Shepard want to swear, to cry or yell. Instead she issued commands.

"Garrus armour piercing rounds," she said. "Grunt find heavy cover, wait until it focuses on us and then attack."

Her team members indicated their understanding as she prepared the small missile launcher she had picked up on omega. After her first missile hit Garrus opened up with his Assault rifle. They continued in this pattern until the beast was focused on them. Grunt appeared from behind a pillar and began blastin away with his shotgun. With ease that comes with experience Shepard and Garrus moved towards two different pieces of debris that would serve as excellent cover. Garrus popped up immediately and unleashed another burst of fire allowing grunt to also get to cover. Shepard lent around the fallen pillar she had hidden behind and fired two more missiles. One went wide but the other hit one of the creature's sensory organs. To Shepard's amazement it seemed the thresher maw was bleeding. The massive beast sunk beneath the ground. During the brief respite they all checked their supply of heat sinks. Rumbling from the ground indicated the return of the thresher maw. Shepard quickly used her omni-tool's incinerate function. Much to her displeasure that meant the beast was focused solely on her. However Grunt and Garrus took this as their cue to really push their rate of fire to their limits. Shepard activated her personal cloak while switching to her sniper rifle. She aimed as she moved to a better position and fired. The round penetrated the earlier wound. Shepard quickly ducked behind more cover as her cloak deactivated. She switched back to the missile launcher and fired the remaining rounds at the creature.

"Keep firing until its dead or we're out of ammo," she yelled. She switched to her sub machine gun aimed it around her cover and just held the trigger down.

"Lets tear its head from its body," Grunt screamed in delight as he strafed the thresher maw with his shotgun blasts.

Garrus shook his head and concentrated his fire on the beast wounds. Shepard had exhausted her sub machinegun and had switched to her pistol. After about the twenty-first shot she had fired from that weapon the thresher maw seemed to tire, its attacks no longer focused, unsure of which small thing was the greatest threat.

"Keep it up," Shepard said.

As the creature fell to Tuchanka's scorched earth all three were unsure who had fired the final shot. But they had done it, they had slain a thresher maw while on foot, they had endured the trials and Grunt could now join the Urdnot clan. Shepard was ready to release every thing she had been feeling during the fight but that was put on hold when she and her companions saw a ship fly over and land nearby.

As it was she couldn't do anything until they got back to the shuttle. She endured congratulations and jokes about eating nothing but thresher steaks for the next several months. Wrex could tell though she could see he knew in his eyes when he looked at her when he welcomed Urdnot Grunt into the clan. Thankfully Garrus was able to make the suggestion the Shepard still had other matters to tend to and Wrex was able to make the other Krogan let them leave. Just as they got to the shuttle Shepard doubled over, threw up and began to cry.

"Hey Turian," Grunt said to get Garrus' attention "What's wrong with Commander Shepard?"

"It's nothing Grunt," Garrus insisted. "I'll explain it while we're on our way back to the ship.

"It almost happened again," Shepard said. "Wrex should have told me, should have warned me. Probably thought it would help me, well that's krogan thinking for you."

"Shepard?" Garrus asked. "Would you like me to take you back to the Normandy?"

Shepard nodded dumbly.

"Okay you just take a seat in the shuttle," Garrus said as she guided her into the craft. "And Grunt and I'll take care of the rest."

As the craft lifted off Grunt asked his question.

"So what's her problem?"

"We only faced one enemy today," Garrus explained. "She faced two."

"Two?"

"Years ago she was the sole survivor of a thresher maw attack on Akuze," Garrus explained. "Today she not only faced the beast but her fears of it, I don't know the specifics of those fears but surviving it if we didn't is probably one of them."

"Fear damn intangible varren shit," Grunt said. "If we didn't survive it proves we didn't deserve to."

"There's a relatively new human saying, only a few centuries old," Garrus said. "We have nothing to fear but fear itself."

"What's that mean?"

"I'm not sure if I'm using this in context but it means fear is a human's greatest enemy," Garrus explained. "It can paralyse them into inaction, make them run when it is more prudent to stand and fight and how do you fight something intangible like fear."

"What do you mean?"

"Well you can't tear and rip at it like you normally would Grunt."

The krogan snorted and pursued the issue no further.

"We have you on visual shuttle,' Jokers voice came across the communications relay.

Garrus tapped some controls and responded.

"Good to be back Normandy," Garrus replied. "Joker can you get Kelly Cambers to met us when we dock, The Commander needs to talk with her."

He knew of Kelly's unacknowledged role aboard ship due to Shepard discreetly pointing him in her direction after she found out about the extent of his lose on omega and doing so again after a recent visit to the citadel.

"No problem Garrus," Joker replied. "Anything else some fries maybe?"

"Just tell EDI to inform Mordin to be ready to travel to the surface in a few hours."

"Okay," Joker said as he cut the channel.

"Thank you," Jane Daria Shepard whispered as the shuttle slid into the Normandy's hanger bay. She knew it would be an ongong fight with her fears but with the help of her family, friends and comrades it would be a fight she would always be on the winning side of.


End file.
